This Pondering Heart

18 days. That's all the time I have left in this community I consider home. My to-do list is long, my must-do list is even longer; it’s a hodgepodge of chores, ideas, activities floating around my head surfacing only when they’re desperately forced to gasp for air. I’m constantly crying. When my coworkers give me a longing look, someone I least expect generously supports my mission, or friends reminisce about a time we shared, tears immediately fall. And if I’m not silently sobbing, my head is in my hands, eyes squeezed tightly shut and I try to pull it together before I have a total meltdown in comprehending these hard goodbyes. Needless to say, I was in an emotional and mental place that required someone to get me moving, someone who knows me to my bones and loves me more than anyone. Luckily my sister is a planner, and was able to take an extended weekend to help order my chaos.  . I've always known how lucky I was to have a sister, let alone a sister I consider ...

I recently returned from an introductory retreat for my upcoming mission to Finca del Nino. And I’m carrying a wave of emotions with me as I settle back into Boston for the last time (the final stretch is here). Meeting (some of) my community was a blessing as we were able to take a minute to really begin to get to know each other (newsflash: they’re all awesome). Bonds were quickly formed and I’m already looking forward to spending a whole lot more time with them, as the ultimate goal is to sneak my way into each of their hearts. Aside from the opportunity of meeting my new family (yup, we’re already on that level), I walked away with a more tangible-ness of the finca, the children, and everything else that’s ahead of me this next year and a half. Let me tell you, I’m a jumble of nerves and excitement. We reflected a lot on the mission and after learning more about the inner workings of “a day in the life of a missionary,” we were asked to explore our own personal call to se...