*there is no title for this one*

I've been in a weird place the entire month.

Maybe it's because as the end of July quickly came, I realized I'd have been out of the United States for a full year. Maybe it's because the weeks and days blur together. Maybe it's because the entire world is still in this weird pause (or slo-mo mode) and we're worn by not being able to plan the months ahead.

Or maybe I'm just drinking too much coffee in the Caribbean sun and it's getting to my head.
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The missionaries are on vacation this week at the resort down the way from the finca because we weren't able to go home on our normal vacations back to the states. So we've had a lot of time to breathe and reflect. It's been nice to soak in the change of scenery, eat broccoli, and to be given permission to recharge and reflect.

Our first full day here I was eager to start working through my time in Central America, but I quickly became overwhelmed with knowing where to start. How do you begin digesting your language journey, spiritual revelations, heart wounds and healings, relationships in community, connection with the heart of the finca's mission, pruning and littleness, teachings from saints (shout out to Saint Therese), love blossoming over the miles, realizations in self-identity, and the Honduran way of life. (All of that is just scratching the surface!)

Defeated, I asked the Holy Spirit to guide my thoughts. Luckily He knows way better than I do because I was prompted to ask a dear friend for some direction. And per usual, she surpassed my expectations (hi, Em. I love you).

So I'm slowly digesting. And will be for the remainder of my time. I'm figuring out what I want this final stretch to look like while attempting to stay fully present.

Please pray for me as the slow transition begins (I haven't shaken the planner out of me).
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An aside: I've recently felt like I haven't shared stories about the finca, the kids, Honduran and missionary life, community, or really any of it. My blog has been more or less a space for me to reflect what's been happening internally (I'm a big feeler).

So here's some random stuff that's happened recently:

Our fogon (outdoor stovetop) which was concrete was rebuilt with clay. The tia who lives next door took on the project with the help of one of the older girls. I've been taking care to repair it every so often, and it's one of my favorite things to do.

I was stung by two different jellyfish in one day. Ouch.

The youngest little girl at the finca loves me. I can replay countless memories of her running up to give me a hug, us "racing" across the finca hand in hand, coloring or playing on the playground together, swimming on Saturday mornings in the tranquilo mar, and hearing her say my name "Mey-Li-Tha" with a cock of the head. She didn't want to let me go when I was despedir-ing the houses for our vacation.

Although I feel I've regressed in Spanish, I also recognize how far I've come. It hits you when you're chatting with a group of older girls (who used to totally intimidate you), you're keeping up with what they're saying, AND you're able to respond. Or when you get up in front of the entire community and have to say a few words about the kids who work with you in tutoring. You do it without planning, even though your word choice is super simple. Or when you have a 45 minute conversation with the director about plans for the future and the work you've done. I continue to be surprised. Praise God!

Bugs are my archnemesis. There's nothing more discouraging than looking at your legs and seeing a line of bites. It really does bite.

I was covering one of the older girls' houses recently and during the 2.5 hours that we're there one of the girls ended up killing a small animal with her pink Croc. In her defense we thought it was a rat, but I'll always remember her gasping after wailing it over and over again with her rubber shoe: "ES UN MIKO DE NOCHE!!!!"

Salon de Meli opened in our youngest girls' house. I've braided a lot of hair.

I succeeded a challenge brought about by Adam in teaching a handful of the kids the word, "howdy!" About two of them actually use it (ironically), but it makes me smile. A lot.

I made friendship bracelets with the girls and it brought me back to middle school sleepover nights.

I found out my enneagram is Type 2, Wing 1.

While I was making lunch one day, I looked over to the older boys' house and saw they had Micho, the unofficial finca cat, tied up in the pila giving him a good old fashioned bath. Think: the face of grumpy cat.

One of the younger boys learned how to play catch with a baseball and it was pretty adorable.

I've found an even deeper joy in coffee.

Spontaneous prayer within my community brings me so much peace. And sharing margaritas with them is fun. We're all so different and we marvel at that a lot. Oh how my heart has such a big place for the four of them.
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I invite you into this prayer to Saint Therese that was a part of today's reflection from my sweet friend:

Saint Therese of Lisieux, teach me your Little Way. Inspire my heart to become a "victim of Christ's love." Help me to embrace my own poverty, whether it be temporal or spiritual, so that I may allow our Lord the joy of gracing me with His merciful love.

O sweet and gentle Little Flower, assist me in receiving the love of Jesus into all my weakness. May I learn to experience my sinfulness, insecurities, fears, worries, and every aspect of my human frailty as an opportunity to delight in His generous, unfailing Mercy.

Remind me, when I am frustrated with the anxieties of life, the words coming from the mouth of Eternal Wisdom: "Whoever is a Little One, let him come to me."

Saint Therese of Lisieux, pray for us!